Tangled Thoughts

Extra Summer

Christina

September 15, 2013

We are enjoying our “extended summer” over here. While most years the sun and heat is long gone by now and replaced with sideways rain and cold winds, we are being treated to some sunny weather and taking advantage of it!

Earlier this week we got out for a random fishing trip. We have done quite a bit of fishing this year – on random sunny evenings we load up and drive the two minutes to the boat launch, launch the boat and buzz around getting as many fish as we can. Some nights we do pretty well, and others we get nothing. Yoshi went for her first boat ride/fishing trip. She hates to be left alone, but is also very shy around other people so we weren’t sure how she would do.

She wasnt too sure at first.

But quickly warmed up. She enjoyed watching the birds, smelling the fish, and “getting the ball” – The ball shaped weight.

She was such a big girl – until we got back to the dock. Where there were numerous people, boats and lots of noise and action. She really could have done without that.

I will never get tired of this view. Its always different, but always so awesome.

Mom n Me.

Then this weekend we spent a majority of our time out on the water.

Of course, Miss Yoshi had to go too. She now knows the words “Ball, Come, Sit, Treat, and Boat.” She goes wild if you ask her if she wants to go on the boat. She still doesnt appreciate the dock, but loves the boat. This afternoon we were sitting and waiting in the boat – and another dog came running up and actually jumped in. Yoshi didnt think this was a good idea. It was HER boat.

Checking for “Balls.”

Me n Yoshi

After boating/fishing off and on for two days – she was a tired puppy. All that fresh air and bird watching wore her right out.

The need to remember

Christina

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September 6, 2013

What most people probably don’t know when they bring their vehicle in to have repairs done – is all that goes into making sure the right diagnosis is made, the correct parts are ordered, and the right parts picked up – all within a certain amount of time to satisfy the customer. More often than not, I am calling double checking to make sure our parts were ordered. Last week – a tour company who we have been working with this summer called. Their bus was down and they needed the parts. In two days.

Island life is interesting in that, when parts arent available – it usually takes about 2 or 3 days to get them here. There is no running down the street to a different company. And since this was a tour bus we were talking about, and expensive parts that were needed – they wouldn’t just come from our local parts dealer. A frantic few hours ensued as we all scrambled to find the parts. After getting the ok from the company to order the parts, I placed the order.

Since the parts were needed in a short amount of time, I didn’t have time to wait around for them to mess up the order two or three times before getting it right, and since the parts were taking an overnight flight up here – I needed to make sure that they were A) Correct and B) Actually coming. I made about a dozen phone calls to verify, reconfirm, double check, ask again, and just to be sure. The following morning – after not hearing back from the company the previous night, and panicking that I had messed it up good this time, we got the phone call that the parts were at the airport – awaiting pick up.

They also wanted to know if we wanted them to deliver them. But since we were on a tight schedule, and have never had good luck with delivery from our regular parts store – I figured we would take matters into our own hands, and ensure we got the parts ourselves. A trip to the airport. A ride on the ferry. Only to find out – that the delivery company had beat us to it – and the parts were on their way to be delivered. I was then frantic. So many things could go wrong – the parts were not in our hands, and we had no idea where they were.

By the time we got back to the shop – there was a message on the answering machine that they had tried delivering – but we weren’t there. Infact, we were in town trying to get the very same parts they were trying to deliver!

Last night, after getting the parts, I started to think about the situation, and felt a bit bad that I hadn’t trust the parts company, the airlines, or the delivery company to do their jobs – and instead ran around like a frantic squirrel trying to gather ALL THE NUTS before winter and failing to do so.

And then it hit me.

The comparison between the silly days events – and my life.

I am constantly striving to be in control of my life. Chasing my tail to no end, trying frantically to make everything work, and never stopping to realize – Hey – someones got this. I don’t have to worry. I don’t need to be frantic. I don’t need to run around like a fool. Someone. Has got this.

God is in control. Even when I have moments of clarity and ideas and am in control of one small aspect – God is still in control. Even when I am floundering wondering HOW this is going to work out – Hes got this. I don’t need to worry. I need to do my job, yes. I need to be passionate and pursue those things that I am supposed to. But I don’t need to go out of control and try to fit the pieces that don’t fit and then freak out when something doesn’t go my way.

I cant see the bigger picture. I don’t know what needs to happen. I need to stop. To realize that I am NOT in control, relax and realize – I don’t HAVE to be in control. I don’t have to constantly strive to make it all work. He is in control, making things work better than I could have EVER hoped or imagined, and I know this. I have seen this. Time and time and TIME again. Yet I still selfishly hold onto the imaginary thought that if I just keep pushing myself to the limit. If I just keep doing all that I can to make EVEYRTHING work, then somehow it will be ok.

When really? It already is ok!

While I don’t think there is anything wrong with being passionate about goals and life, and striving to be better at something – I need to draw the line and realize that no matter how much I try – I will never be in control, I never NEED to be in control, and I never have to worry – Because its already been taken care of. All my fitful flutters are completely worthless. They do nothing but wear me down.

Its already been taken care of. I don’t have to worry. On those days when it just doesn’t seem to be enough, and the worry about the day to day tasks are extreme, and the weight of the world is sitting there, just remember…

God is in control. And always will be. No matter what.

Good-bye Summer

Christina

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August 20, 2013

Its been a nice summer here. Compared to summers of the past, I should say. We had some sun, we had some heat. We had a few days where we actually “Dried out” and people were forced to order water. But it was a nice summer.

It was just too short. As most summers are. Mom said she was happy to see the rain return. And she wasnt alone. Many people are saying the same thing. Rain, they say, is what makes Ketchikan, Ketchikan. And while its true – its also nice to see some sun and be reminded that it DOES exist.

This Summer seemed so short. This year has seemed so short. But I guess when you are out of the country for 1/2 of it – that happens. I am still mentally somewhere back in May. Not August. September even!

There isnt too much that sticks out from this summer that made it extra special, aside from the sun, that is. We went fishing a few times, BBQ’d once, and did what we do most every other day – opened the windows, stayed cool, and carried on like normal.

Sometimes I think I get too comfortable with the normal. I dont go out of my way to make things different – until I do. And then I do. Life was “normal” this summer. One day bled into the next, and as bad as it sounds – it was actually somewhat enjoyable.

But I think I got too used to it. Because the sun has started to go away faster, the winds have picked up, and the temperatures are dropping back to the “Normal” range. And instead of layering my clothes again – I am still trying to wear t shirts and summer things.

I have a list of things to accomplish. Actually I have about three lists, in various places, in various stages. Things I want to do, things I need to do, things I really dont want to do, but need to do. These lists have been ongoing since before Summer. And now its Fall.

…and there are no more excuses! Its time to clean those freezers!

Im not ready to say good bye to summer just yet. Today it is sunny. Cooler, but still sunny. Maybe I will get some final pictures before summer goes away for the year.

Good bye summer, Hello fall.

What do you do?

Christina

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August 6, 2013

I have never been good at answering questions. Questions of any kind really. One of my proudest moments was when a teacher asked me what grade I was in. And I boldly said that I was “In the 6th grade. I think.” Its been a running joke around here ever since. So now whenever someone asks me a question – I always want to follow it up with an “I think” because it just seems like I should.

I kind of assumed that when I reached this “Magic age” people would stop asking me questions. The questions were always “What grade are you in?” And a few years later “Are you in college?” and then a year or so later “Boy friend? Married?” And while its true – that Amanda got put through the ringer (being the oldest and all) I kind of blindly assumed that people would stop asking me questions when I reached…this magic age.

We went through the stages – and when Amanda got married, everyone skipped the college/grade questions with me and went straight for the punch line – so when are YOU getting married? Then the questions stopped. And I smiled blissfully – because the questions were now over. I reached the magic age. Except that I didn’t. Because now people ask me what grade Im in. And apparently, I have started all over on the question grid – only in a more condensed format, with more complicated ones tossed in for fun because when people find out that not only am I not in grade school, Im not in college, nor am I married? They kind of want to know just WHAT I am up to.

They want to know just what I do. And I suppose its only natural. I mean, I kind of still want to know what I do.

A few days ago – someone asked me what I did. And I stammered my way through saying I work in dads shop, and slyly turned the subject to Amanda, because every conversation is better when its about my sister, right? Come to think of it – it wasn’t so sly. And it was sort of out of the blue in a “What do you do?” “Oh I work in the office because I have a sister who lives in England and lets talk about her, m’kay?” sort of way. Ahem. I digress.

The thing is when people ask me what I do – I really don’t have an answer. Because my life? Is really no different than anyone elses. I don’t do this amazing life changing work. I do paper work. And I love it. But when people hear you “Do paper work” for 12+ hours a day, they start to wonder just what kind of a math freak you are. (In all honesty – I hate math, and math hates me. There is rarely any math going on over here.)

I don’t know how to answer people, because everything I do – is done by others – only ten times better. If I say “Im a photographer!” people assume Im a top of the line, quality photographer who has won awards or at very least, knows what they are doing behind the camera. But really I just enjoy taking pictures, and messing with the settings and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. See? Just like everyone else. A self proclaimed, wannabe photographer.

If I say I write – then people think I am a best seller author who has written ten books on life changing topics, and want to know what some big word means. When in all honesty – I just love writing, and sometimes can get letters to form words that eventually make sentences that ramble on, and hardly make any sense.

Im ok with what I do. Infact, I love what I do. I love spending hours at a time researching something and writing about it. I love figuring out a new technique on the camera – even if its already been discovered. I (usually) love dealing with customers and sorting money. I do what I enjoy, and enjoy what I do. But it’s the same as everyone else, so explaining what I do – when its just basic, mundane stuff that makes a simple little me happy? Is hard.

So just what do I do?

I live a life that is going by way to fast. I spend my days with people who I love one minute, and cant stand the next – my family (and pretty sure they would say the same thing about me). I spend my time writing words, crunching numbers, telling dogs no, and answering the phone. I enjoy staying up late, into the early hours on the morning – and feel like I have accomplished something when I mark something off my “list.”

I get mad, I get stressed, I get insanely happy, and love candy.

I am nothing special, don’t do anything out of the ordinary, and fill my days with silly stuff that at the end of the day – I don’t even remember. I try to prioritize things, and fail. I try to make people important, and get mad. I try and fail, and try try again. And yes, I do paper work. I write checks, make invoices, pay bills, and plan dinner. But who doesn’t?

I don’t do anything out of the ordinary – yet so many people ask. Just what do you do? And just once, I want to say “I do what I enjoy, and enjoy what I do. I live my life – just like everyone else, with a few things that make me different. Im no one special, nothing important. Im me. And Im ok with that.”

What do YOU do?

Gone Fishin’

Christina

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July 16, 2013

The other day we had beautiful sunny weather, on a weekend. Which was rare in and of itself. We took the opportunity to do a little fishing. I should stop now and mention that usually – we go out on the boat once a year. We spend ½ the time on the dock, where we have our traditional dock picnic, and a few hours later dad gets the boat running and we head out for a bit before parking the boat for the rest of the year. This? Was our second time out this year, and the boat started on the first try – both times.

Unfortunately about ½ way to the fishing spot the motor died, and we sat dead in the water for about 20 minutes. No need to fear, however. Dad is a mechanic so one way or another we knew he would get it running. And sure enough – he did. But not well enough to continue to the spots he was hoping to go. Something about fuel, and carburetors, and chokes. Boring stuff. It ran, that’s all we cared about.

We fished for a few hours – mom and dad caught a few rock fish, and I just fed the fish my bait. I am terrible at fishing. So after losing my bait a few times, and declaring it too expensive to just feed the fish – I picked up my camera, and took in the surrounding beauty.

Sometimes – when you live everyday, in the same spot, you forget to take in the simple beauty that is around you. Since traveling, I have often said that there is NO place more beautiful than Ketchikan on a sunny summer day, and I still believe that. I just sometimes forget to remember that.

Of course one look into the water where I saw freakishly large and ugly jelly fish like I had never seen before – reminded me to be grateful I was on top of the water, and not swimming. CREEPY!

I was trying to get all artsy leaning out of the boat – the creepy jellyfish quickly put an end to this stunt!

A safer view

Surrounded on every side

Its kind of hard to see – but along thats our Island. Along the coast you can see little dots – those are houses, stores, and buildings. Its home. And its beautiful this time of year.