The tears. They always come. Whenever I see him in the hospital, laying on the highly uncomfortable beds that don’t allow for any decent rest. Sometimes they come as soon as I leave his room, unwilling to wait until I make it to the elevator before I have to stop the sobs from taking over. Other times, like today, they wait. They hold off on the elevator ride down, they don’t come on the car ride home, they let me finish lunch and a few cups of coffee -and then in the not so silent afternoon sun, they come.
My mind races with questions and thoughts from the past few days, the past few years, the past few lifetimes, it would seem. All piling up, willing to be heard, unwilling, however, to wait their turn. The overwhelmingness of thoughts that pile in faster than I can unpack them brings the tears today.
The thing is, I just have no answers. So the thoughts. They just keep spinning. And the tears. They just keep falling.
After preschool is out, the older kids arrive on the bus from a different school. Once everyone has had their snack we head out to the gym to play. Normally there is someone else out there who takes over once our numbers drop below ten, but circumstances had me out there this day.
One of the little boys is always lamenting that no one wants to play with him and while I see the alliances being built with other kids, I see him being left out a lot. If I can help it, I try to get him involved –giving him an in, a door, an answer, a nudge –and if all else fails I listen to him chat about his day or the latest greatest video game. Or I encourage him to show me his latest tricks.
Last weekend I got a group message from a friend asking if I wanted to join a group of them for snowshoeing.
I’ll be honest and say my first thought was “Um, no.” But to be fair this is what I envisioned when I pictured snowshoeing:
I also don’t own snowshoes, nor had I ever been snowshoeing.
Mom and dad offered some bits of advice such as “We went snowshoeing before. Once.” and “Why would you want to go snowshoeing for fun?” and of course “You have to have snow to snowshoe…”
Eventually I caved and agreed to go. I rented myself a pair of snowshoes and joined a group of friends (in the rain) for a hike. With no visible snow.
About sixteen years or so ago, we moved to the house we are currently in. I’ll spare you the details and just say it was a messy move with lots happening. While most people would have probably renovated the house BEFORE moving in, we just moved in. On top of what was there.
The house (bless it) was built in the 40’s. It had an addition added in the 60’s and a partial ‘update’ in the 70’s. Nothing had been done since.
It was, you could say, beyond time for an update.
70’s styled carpets
Merry Christmas from my crew to yours!