I know no one can probably relate to this, aside from my sister, but I have this weird…quirk. You might say. Some people worry about the world ending, others worry about the water supply ending…me (and my sister)? I worry about my stuffed animals being uncomfortable…or not liking their “partner” or perhaps getting a back ache from sitting too long…but the one thing that worries me the most – is keeping their noses clear.

Hear me out.

Having stuffed animals is not for the weak. Or the busy, apparently.

My sister and I used to have LOADS of animals on our beds. Im talking probably 20 animals apiece. And every night we would have to arrange them – just so – to make sure of a number of things. A) They were ok with who they were sitting by. B) That they looked comfortable and finally…most importantly, perhaps…is that they could “breath” even tho logically…stuffed animals DON’T breath. We could not, go to sleep at night, and sleep well, if their noses were covered.

When we got older – we decided to do without the animals. Too much work. Too much effort. Too little sleep. So the animals were bagged up, and sent to the closet. Of course…the bag….had holes – so you know – they could breath!!  That pretty much defeated the point of putting them in a bag to begin with, but hey, atleast they could breath.

I tried reintroducing animals to my bed, but it became increasingly difficult to please them all. Rabbit wanted to be with rabbit – but not with bear, who wanted to be with the other bear, and the other rabbit…and…oh my…the nose issue!!!

They were all quickly banished from my bed…and once again, I could sleep at night.

All was well in the animal world, until this Valentines day.

My sister gifted me a pink monkey, who made his appearance here a few weeks ago.

The problem is, his arms are too long to look comfortable.

She hung him (by his arms) on my wall – where he stayed for a good portion of the day. Until he looked…tired…tired of hanging by his long arms. So I took him down, arranged him on my desk, and left him be. Until today. When his beady eyes started to penetrate through me. They seemed to be saying “Let me go” and I caved. I picked him up…and then…didn’t know what to do.

So I rearranged things…and set him back down. But his arms were tangled, and his legs – which are equally as long…were tangled too. So I stuck him in a bucket, but that looked painful. You know, sitting in a bucket with your legs straight up…cant be easy on the back!

So I piled some stuff in the bottom and set him in there…rearranging his legs and arms…

I spent a good five minutes with him, finally getting him into a position that looked ½ way stand-able

But now I have a problem.

Monkey?

He likes to stare.

And he stares. At me. All day. Every day. Smiling. While his {extra} long arms stay wrapped around the handles of his bucket, clinging tightly to his note.

He seems content. Content as a hot pink monkey could be, content with his job of holding his paper heart = reminding me with every look that someone loves me. But the eyes. The eyes have got to go. I can deal with noses. But I don’t like staring.

Its back to the grind stone – rearranging monkey legs and arms.

When I was younger, I used to think the grocery clerk was my friend.  I was the kid who would walk up to a complete stranger and befriend them.  I remember have a wide variety of friends that ranged from my age to 30 or older, and never once thought it was weird.  I was the girl who stood at the edge of my yard – yelling at the older neighbor girl “Would you like to be my friend?” and when she didn’t reply, I thought she didn’t hear me.  This “Older girl” who was most likely under 20, was destine to be my friend…she just didn’t know it.  And when she did finally reply “Yea, sure, ok whatever” Im sure – just to shut me up, I smiled and went on my way, happy to have a new friend.  I remember thinking years later when ever I saw her “Theres my friend” and in my heart, I believed it.  She was just a good of friend as my best friend.

Everyone was my friend!

I met my match with a few girls my age, and we clicked, instantly.

But I remember the first time I had a conflict between these friends.  When one friend didn’t like the other – and I couldn’t understand it.  Why not?  We were ALL friends!!!  Werent we??

I remember cooking up a wild wicked dream on evening, and being SO EXCITED to tell all my friends about this plan – that of course – involved them.  Because after all, they WERE my FRIENDS and would naturally want to accompany me on these wild dreams.

I was the kid who never cared about appearances…who would yank on the old ripped jeans, forget to brush my hair, and scribble answers to make it look like I did my school work…just so I could get outside and play…with my friends!

As Ive gotten older, Ive lost a good portion of these ideas, and dreams.  Ive put aside befriending everyone, and sort of backed off being all outgoing with people…I don’t know why.  I guess Im afraid of offending, I would rather someone like me for who Im not, then not care for who I am.  And besides…who I am, is not all that interesting…right?

I have a wide variety of acquaintances…ranging from five years old to fifty.  My best friends live in the internet – people I have never met before, people who probably have NO IDEA that I consider them a friend…because its easier that way.  Its easier not to approach someone and say “Want to be my friend” and just pretend Im their friend…pretend they like me back…pretend Im not just another head, another number, another person.

I have the opportunity, to do something this March.  Something Im not going to mention just yet – because I am trying to keep myself from getting excited about this, just incase it doesn’t happen, because it is VERY likely it wont.  It involves people, and it involves going at it solo…just me and this group of people – who are a tight nit group of girls – who know each other.  I know most of them…they are girls who I, once again “Pretend” are my friends…but don’t dare call them that to their face.  Its something I would LOVE to do, and am praying hard about…but am not sure if it will happen or not.

So Im asking you…people out there…who I will confess, I do consider to be my friends…to pray for me…

I don’t expect this to make any sense, because I left a big portion, that would tie both thoughts together…out.  But I would really appreciate some prayers…I have big decisions coming up, and these next few days will make and break it.

Categories: Life

This weeks “You Capture” is warm.

Since it is not very warm outside – I thought I would introduce you to something else…warm.  Or, version of warm.  He’s actually on the “Hot” side.  No…that is NOT what I mean.

Does it get any better than a {hot} pink monkey?

What about a {hot} pink monkey with a {warm} note?

A {hot} pink monkey with a {warm} heart that holds a {warm} note?

Ok, that last one didnt seem so fitting.  I wont blame you if you disagree with that one.

Monkey is sorry.  He offers a {warm} hug…

You will just have to trust me – he was really trying to give a hug there.  He has super long arms that wrap all the way around your neck.

Also?  Its bad that I noticed I am dressed in the same color as monkey.

Im not too sure why I just told you that.

Back on track – Monkey says he will keep my coffee {warm}.  And yours too.  If you want some.

Monkey needs a name – any ideas?

I feel sort of lost today.  And yesterday too.  And tomorrow.  And all the way up until next Tuesday when I will most likely be back in full force.  You see, Amanda and David left yesterday.  Left for Arizona to get her…biometrics done for her visa – so she can go and live with David in England.  I dont think I mentioned that she is planning to go over there and live in a month.

I feel sort of…pathetic saying this…but my entire life, I have never spent any extended amount of time away from her (Read: days).  That doesn’t mean we spend every waking, sleeping hour together, doing only things to do with ourselves…What I mean is that we have never spent a day apart.  Her desk is just across the office.  With her computer.  A click of a button and I can talk to her.  We send messages back and forth instead of opening our mouths and simply talking.  Sometimes we are both immersed in our own worlds, tackling problems that occupy our full.

But still – she is there.  Right across the office.  A click of a button away.

One look at her, and I can tell what shes doing.  If shes sad…or upset.

We fight, of course.  Were sisters…but that doesn’t stop us from shoving each other across the floor in a tizzy.  Most times we enjoy each others company.  Shes the only person aloud to spend my “Alone time” with me, and the only person I would ever want to be with for any length of time.  Anyone else I need a break from…but her…shes there…and not in an overbearing stalker sort of way.

Shes there when I need her – and I hope she knows Im there when she needs me.

It’s the first time I have ever been separated from her, and I feel lost.

And pathetic for saying so.

I want to hop on a plane and surprise her.  The only thing that’s stopping me is finances and of course, the fact that she is probably enjoying her time with just David.  But still…I would if I could.

Life doesn’t seem complete without her.  It seems empty…and quiet (so very, very quiet) and boring too.  Time has slowed down…and I think I know why.  When you are enjoying yourself, you wish for time to slow down – it seems to speeds up – you arent counting the hours down.

But when you are wishing to be a week ahead…counting every minute that passes – time goes very very slowly.

And right now, I wish to be at next week.

At the airport.

Picking her up, and telling her shes never going to leave without me again.

But of course…I wont do that.  Because I know she has plans, and adventures, and ideas, and places, and so many things that she wants to do…and I want her to do them.

Its something that will take some time to get used to…something Im not sure I want to get used to.  Something that will leave me in the bathroom more than I care to admit, wiping the tears from my eyes.

My sisters on a trip…in Arizona.  And Im here.  Without her.

I feel like ½ a pathetic person…but probably only because I am right now.

Six days.

I can do this.

Categories: Life