I probably should be more upset, but after the year I’ve had -I find myself being jealous of those who pass on. I’m jealous that they get to leave this world behind and go onto the bigger and better, the unknown, the worlds that lay ahead. They get to be reunited with those who I love, and miss. They get to leave the pain and sorrow and sadness and depressing circles of endless days behind. They don’t have to deal with it anymore. They take their last breaths and with it, they are joined into a world I can only imagine as being the best. Ever.
He was a great guy. He was down to earth. Happy. Open. He loved. He laughed. He lived his dream. He saw a goal -and went for it. He lived without regrets -although I know he had regrets, because he talked about them. Openly. In hope that his kids, grand-kids and great-grand-kids, wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes. He didn’t let his regrets hold him back -but rather used them to spur him on.
He lived a simple life. A life that made him happy. After years of working himself to the bone, he retired early to live his dream. He was happy there. In the dessert. With no one around. A place he could run free in only his underwear, off grid and away from the world. It was his own paradise -one that made him smile, and left him content. It was simple -as was he. But he was happy…and so were those around him.
At 78 he had been married once. Married young. Divorced. Lost his wife. Then moved on to love many, many others. He would die engaged to the woman of his dreams. He would die happy.
Losing him doesn’t shatter my world, it doesn’t uproot my existence. But it does make me pause -as all deaths do. And remember.
Life is short…yet long. So long. It is a contradiction of itself.
Somehow, he had mastered living between the two worlds. He found peace in the dessert. Happiness for his soul. He had struck the cord between living this short -yet long life -with absolute perfection. And when his time came -he was ready. Truth be told -he was ready many, many years ago…but being the strong, solid man that he was -he lived each day to its fullest, leaving behind a solid legacy.
He will be missed, sure. Not just for who he is -but for everything he brought to life. The world will be a busier, more complicated place without him.
If I am honest -I am jealous. Not just that he is gone, but that he found the peace in the simple things. That he found a way to live out his days -making the world around him a better place. He cared for others -in a simple way. In his own way. In a way that made all the difference.
Rest in peace, grandpa. I know you will. Because you always did.
Tangled Thoughts 