I have a confession.
Or a problem.
Or you know, something?
Im getting older.
No, No. I MEAN it. Hear me out on this one (see? Old people say that! GAH.)
The other day a customer walked into the shop. As they sometimes do. He, mom and dad started talking. What started about money soon wound up knee deep in politics, and eventually went off the deep end into something Im not sure what. Over the course of about five minutes – the amount of time it took me to get his bill ready, give it to him, and take his credit card – he had mentioned something about being over 70 years old. I stared.
“Your seventy?!” mom asked. As only mom can. He nodded. The problem was, he didn’t look a day over 40. 50 max. And Im usually guessing on the high end of ages! Normally when I think someone looks 50 they are only 30. Or something. But this guy – he was tipping the tables. He was 70 and looked 40.
I thought I had a few years before I started thinking old people looked young. You know, like that gap between me and the 70 year olds is closing in and suddenly “Kids” refers to the 15-16 year olds. And these “Kids” are suddenly listening to “Noise” and being “Annoying” because “Back in the good old day when we had cd players…”
Then yesterday mom was talking about her aunt. My great aunt. Well, actually she was talking about her aunts grandkids. Not sure what that would make them to me. Some kid probably. (Third cousins? Twice removed?) “Shes going to Washington because her grandson is graduating” Aw how sweet I thought. “Whats he graduating?” She went on to say that he was graduating some class so he could work on some…appliances – at the time the details weren’t important because I was trying to figure out what kind of a genius was born into our family that was graduating kindergarten with a degree to fix appliances! Turns out hes graduating a version of college. Not kindergarten after all.
But what happened? He was just…well…just born not too long ago?
And then I start to look around me and find that all these kids are doing things like driving cars, and working jobs, and Im starting to wonder if Im actually getting older, or if these youngins’ are being aloud to do things I never was…back in the good old days.
The thing is, Im 21.
I don’t FEEL that old. I mean, I do? But. Its complicated really.
21 sounds old. It feels old. Too old to be me, to be honest. And everywhere I look it seems that I am, infact, old. I mean, ok, my sister is older. That’s ok. Shes always going to be older than me, so I will always be young in some way shape or form. Except that shes not here now – shes went off and gotten married (again, with the youngins’ doin’ things they aint got no business doin!) leaving me here – playing the role as…well…oldest.
So I need your help. Because I don’t think there are any creams, or lotions that can help this problem.
When did I get so old? And how do I stop getting older? Im not so sure I like this position. Im not so sure I like kids to refer to a group that is, infact, younger than me. Im not so sure I like the thought of these great-aunt-grandkids graduating COLLEGE. I suppose next they will be getting married too.
I think I should be checking into a nursing home. Maybe then I will be able to return to my original, rightful status as “Kid.”
I kind of liked that.