Amateur Thoughts

I have been busy with nonsense lately. Too busy to do this. Too busy to do that. Busy with this. Busy with that. Things to do, things to get done. Christmas, wedding, paper work, end of the year taxes and things to file. Busy all the way around…

And it hit me today.

What am I so busy for? So busy to do? What am I doing? Why? What?

Parker came in yesterday. A hyper, excited, five year old with more than enough energy for himself and a whole flock of five year olds. “Play with me. Push me. Pull me. Play. Play. Play!!” and for a little while yesterday I let myself go and release some energy with him. And I only succeeded in wearing myself out. He was still loaded with energy. Maybe it had something to do with me pulling/pushing him in the wagon, and him just riding around demanding things. We threw snowballs. I spun him around in circles. He laughed. And then started to cough, and inside we went.

Today he came back…put his arm around me and said “Come play with me.”

I smiled down at him. He smiled up at me. “I cant” I told him. His smile dropped. “But why not?” and I told him it was because. Because I was busy. Too busy. Paper work that needed done.

So he divided his time between playing with “Goo”, drawing pictures on the paper I was working on, putting stickers on the same paper, drawing on the “Goo”, and when nothing would get my attention, he dumped the “Goo” on my arm. When I told him I was a little too busy to help him search for tow truck pictures, he asked me to type it in, and proceeded to figure out how to click the pictures himself. Then he looked up, tugging on my arm and asked “Can you please go push me in the wagon?” To which I told him “Maybe tomorrow” and he sort of gasped. “But…why cant you do it when you are done”

The concept of time doesn’t exist to him. To him five minutes and three hours are the same. To be that young again.

And I can count on tomorrow, he will bust in, and ask me to again “Please push me in the wagon” and I probably will.

I thought a lot of things when telling him no. I remembered back to being his age, and asking someone to do something with me, and they would say no. I remembered the feeling. But I also thought to him needing to know that he cant always have what he gets. I wondered what kind of line I was drawing, what difference would it make if I finished paper work then or later. Why couldn’t I spent 20 minutes (who am I kidding, it would have been atleast an hour) outside sloshing through the snow? Am I really becoming that old?

I wondered what would happen, if tomorrow Parker didn’t come in. If something happened. That we arent guaranteed tomorrow. Or even today.

****

After he left, I walked home. Thinking these things still. Wondering what was becoming of me and my “Oh so busy” life. I am NOT that busy. And if I am, I need to MAKE the darn time to do these things.

Things that I have let slide. Things. Like taking pictures.

I havent taken any pictures, except to mess around with my new lens. So Ive set myself a new goal.

I don’t do “New years Resolutions.” I can set myself up to fail without those, thank you. But I want to get back into photography, and I want to start taking more pictures.

So this next year I hope to participate, every week, in my favorite photo link ups. Which means, that I will have to get out every week – make time – to get pictures.

What is it about little kids that make you realize these things? And why didn’t I learn them when I was his age?