So much that needs to get done, so many things to do. But I cant get myself motivated to do them. Instead all I can do is sit here…and look…and think….and know.
Know that when we get back, things wont ever be the same for reasons I havent mentioned.
Know that change is coming, and when I get back, my life isn’t going to be the same life I left.
Know that I dread change. But change is coming. And change is good.
But I cant get myself motivated to be excited about doing something…that I know…in less than 24 hours…will be over.
I don’t want to go on this trip. And I just now know why.
I don’t want to go, because I don’t want to come back.
I don’t want to come back to the change that will happen.
It scares me.
This new life that is coming. These changes that are happening. This.
In my mind – not going – will somehow stop the change from coming.
This isnt how it always it. This is how it was last night. And I had to atleast acknowledge my fears before I could move on. To be completely honest, I am happy about the changes that are coming. I was just a little hesitant last night (and sometimes) because change, of any kind, scares me, and I know these next steps in life are going to be big.
One thought on “Acknowledging my fears.”
Praying for you. Not sure what is going on, but you will get through this changing season.