Tangled Thoughts

Time Travel

Christina

May 11, 2015

I have been thinking a lot about traveling lately. In my spare time, or five minute breaks I google out random destinations, small coastal towns in the middle of nowhere. I search for hotels, hostels, cars and other random tidbits. I have ‘planned’ multiple imaginary trips to said destinations -because let’s face it, traveling is the name of the game. While we don’t have any trips planned for the immediate future, I still like to dream about it.

Then, in a random moment -I realized that it has been five years since our first big trip across the seas.

…and my travel destination changed. I don’t want to go to Turkey, Greece, Italy, or France. I don’t want to see the Bahamas, couldn’t care less about New Zealand (although I wouldn’t say no because hello, travel!) where I would go if I could go anywhere would be back in time. I know it’s impossible. But so are certain destinations. Today, if I could go anywhere, I would go back in time to the first ever trip we took.

The older I get the more fond I grow of that time spent overseas in 2010.

Sure, we could revisit those great locations again, and we plan to some day. We could visit other amazing places (such as New Zealand!), and we plan too. Sure we have been to some AMAZING places -such as Australia, and I am sure that one day in the near future looking back my heart will be captivated with some other trip…but today, for a brief moment in time -I want to go back and relive some of those moments.

Like seeing the Mediterranean for the first time. I have seen it many times since, and while it probably never will get old -there is something about seeing it for the very first time. It is something you can’t ever redo. Like traveling to a foreign land for the very first time and having absolutely no idea what to expect. That fear and excitement mingled with happiness. Sure, I get those feelings just taking off in an airplane, but there is something absolutely thrilling about landing in a foreign land for the very first time. You can’t repeat that.

The memories made, the people we met, the foods we ate, the roads we wandered. The things we saw, the way we saw them, how we perceived them. Everything that was rolled together to make it an amazing trip…

Sure, looking back you only tend to remember the good. The bad memories are even tainted good. The frustrating moments are funny.

There are just some things that cannot be relived. No matter how many more times I travel, no matter how many more amazing places I see, no matter how many new countries I step foot into -I will never be able to relive those moments of the first time. We can revisit these wonderful locations, and stay in the same places, and retrace our steps to the dot. But it wouldn’t be the same. I would be amazing, and wonderful. It would be exciting, thrilling, and probably frustrating at times. Much of it would be the same…except for the fact that it wouldn’t be the first time.

I want to relive those moments. The first time we flew 10 hours to a foreign country. The first time we went through the boarder alone. The first time we heard someone speaking with an accent. The first time we tried new foods. The first time we heard a foreign language being spoken all around us. The first time we navigated a foreign land. The first time.

Yes, today, if I could go anywhere -it would be back in time…to tell my much younger, much less impressed self to lighten up. Enjoy it. Soak it all in. Because one day, a much older you will be very much jealous of you.

If I could go back in time, I think I might just give France a big hug.

“Somehow the tiny containers of lemon flavored yogurt tasted good in France.

The cheese. The bread. The fried potatoes. The microwave pizza. The apple tart. The nutty ice cream. Gummy worms. Coke bottles. And little note books.

The tiny shower, the gas smell scare, the bikes, the stormy nights, and wet clothes. The dryers that wouldn’t work, shoes that almost got stole, horse back riding, fig picking experiences. The towns that were discovered along the way. The smells.” -France 2010

More Spring

Christina

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April 8, 2015

I’m seriously starting to consider changing my favorite season to spring. I’m not entirely sure why, but spring this year has been really…great! It’s not like we even had a particularly hard winter -I mean weather wise? It was pretty great (in my opinion). We had maybe one or two snow storms, got to freezing maybe once, and then battled the long dark days. But other than that -it was pretty mild. Of course, I spent a month of it in Australia, but still! Lets talk spring, shall we?

I have been calling spring since the weekend before the official day of spring. It just FELT like a good day to call spring -and I never looked back.

These pictures make me think, feel and smell happy thoughts. Yes, I said smell. Don’t they just SMELL like happy thoughts?

Drops in a Bucket

Christina

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March 28, 2015

It’s been a week. A week of challenging days and rough moments. Nothing earth shatter or moving, nothing life altering -just normal, everyday life. With broken relationships and shattered dreams and crushed ideas of what this world should look like, what my life should look like. Selfishness getting the better of me, I don’t know. It’s been a week.

A week that I have went to bed way earlier than I even care to admit to. A week that I have pulled the covers over my head and wished it all away.

I tried to remind myself -over and over, that these things are just small issues in light of everything else. In light of people dying and getting sick, in light of so much else -these things are simple drops in the bucket. But the bucket is already so full, that these drops make everything seem like so much more than it already is.

Things are so carefully balanced upon each other right now, that the wrong move, wrong word, wrong look -can send me barreling over the edge…at a time in my life when I really need things to be steady, they are anything but. And I have to learn that it is ok.

I need to learn to take a time out, to properly manage my stress and frustrations and not turn into a basket case on people who are just starting to get to know me. I know that, for next time, but that doesn’t help -this time.

I get jealous, so so so jealous -of people who only have to deal with these seemingly simple issues, on their own…and then try to remind myself that they too, have other issues. They just know how to manage them better. Just last week, I met one of the happiest, friendliest, nicest people in the world. One of those people who ooze happiness on everyone they see -yet have a real deep sense of the world around them, enough to know just how to comfort you. And then I found out she is battling cancer.

With two young kids.

And a smile that could slay dragons.

…and here I am, bemoaning about my issues that could be here today and gone tomorrow yet somehow, bring me to my knees.

I want to be that person -who can smile and laugh through the worst of times, but I don’t know how. Because these small, insignificant problems I have today, seem like major mountains that will never be moved. I want to be that person -the one I know I can be, the one I know I once was. But I don’t know how to be. Because everything comes at once and threatens to overwhelm…and then it takes over.

There is no room for happiness, there is no room to see the light. There is no room for good. Because my life is so filled with the opposite.

But I refuse to let these moments define me. I refuse to be categorized as a negative person who refuses to see the light. I must come up. I must regain my footing, and I must do it quickly…because there are plenty of dragons out there that need slaying and I am tired of being one of them.

Spring!

Christina

1 comment

March 20, 2015

It’s spring today! Finally! I’ve been waiting for spring for a very long time now. Take last weekend for example when I got the brilliant idea that spring had come early, and took mom for a walk around the lake. It snowed. It was cold. But I was desperate for spring -and so we walked, snow and all. I have been looking forward to spring all year long, and today -it is finally, officially here!

Although I would have to say that if I were to pick a day that spring officially started it would have been yesterday -when it was sunny. Today it is raining. Which is typical really, for spring here. But spring is here. Flowers are out. Sun is not. But spring, my friends -has sprung!

Hooroo, Australia

Christina

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February 22, 2015

It’s always hard to find the right words when a trip comes to an end. It’s something that I struggle with every time. I don’t like saying good-bye, no matter how much awesomeness might lay ahead…saying goodbye is always hard.

I can’t speak for everyone, but I for one -have had an amazing trip. We drove at least 1200 miles -not including the detours, trips, backtracking, or day trips. 1200 miles on the wrong side of the road, on the wrong side of the car -just two months after I got my license. I think I have put more miles on this side of the road than I have on the normal side!

We have seen some amazing places, some breathtaking views, made memories for a lifetime, and really had an amazing time. Honestly? I don’t think this trip could have gone any better if we tried. We packed everyday to the brim with new and exciting things. In once sense, it was good -doing as much as possible in as little time as possible. But in another way -it wasn’t. Because the time went SO fast.

We stopped at every point possible -and spent the night in 12 different locations along the way. It took a lot of planning, but I managed to reserve 12 different houses/motels along the way for our trip. We stayed in everything from old motels with holes in the wall to brick mansions with servants rooms.

We have seen desert and ocean, farms and forests.

While we have really only covered a relatively small area (when you consider just how big Australia is!) it was amazing.

It’s hard to sum the trip up, hard to say what was the best part, hard to say where it started and where it ended and hard to say good-bye when it feels like it just started. But like every other time, it’s not good-bye -it’s see you later, because while Australia has been put on the “Done” list -it is definitely on the return list as well.

Until next time….