A few weeks ago, while checking out a grocery store, a lady who we know (from shopping at the local store for so long) was helping us.  I casually asked how she was – and she pretty much burst into tears, saying that they were loosing their house.  That very day.  Because they could no longer afford the payments.  I felt bad for her, because she was so upset.

Last night when we were at the store, she smiled at us.  “I found an apartment today, girls.” She said happily.  Of course, we were happy for her too!  “Ive never prayed so much in my life!” she said shortly after.  “I was starting to loose faith there for a while.”  And then started talking about where her new place was, and everything else involved.  But that stuck with me.

It got me to thinking.  Because she lost her house, a house that was most likely above her means, because she couldn’t afford the payments – she was loosing faith.  Faith in what?  In who?  I wondered for a few minutes if she meant she was simply loosing faith in life, maybe she chose the wrong word – maybe she meant she was loosing hope.  Or loosing her house?  I wasn’t sure.  But it led me to thinking about something.  About faith.  About LOOSING faith.  About how easy it is.

Sort of along the sames lines of peace, I started cooking up a theory.

A few months ago I wrote something similar to what I was thinking…

“The thing is sometimes I don’t have answers that I wish I did. How do you tell people about God when their baby died? I sometimes feel like I should have a sit down with God and say “Look, if you want people to come to you – you’ve got to stop with the death of innocent children.  How do you expect me to tell people about you when THIS is happening!” But God knows best, and I know this, I really do. But sometimes, its just so hard to comprehend.”

“What if…” I wondered.

What if she meant she was starting to loose faith in God, over a house?

Im sure it could be done.  The age old question of “If God loves me then why….” fill in the blank.

Have I lost faith over something, that really, doesn’t have anything to do with anything?  And in the whole scheme of things, really doesn’t matter?  Have I lost faith when God has said no?  Or said yes?  Or answered in a way I don’t think it should have been answered?  I like to think I havent.  I would much rather prefer to say that no, I may have lost hope.  I may have lost something else, but never me.  Never loose FAITH!  I mean, that’s as basic as it comes.  If I loose faith, then what, do I have?

But really.  Im afraid to admit, Im sure I have.  At one point or another.  Lost faith.

In something stupid.

In something earthly.

In something that I have placed my faith – I am sure I have been let down.

It happens.  All too easily.  People (myself included) make things, items, STUFF, into their gods, and when their gods fail – somehow they think that God has given up, and they loose faith, in God!  All because of a false perception.

Man.

I know I have.

Everything will fail.  Everything will eventually give up.  People will come and go.  Circumstances will change.  I will change!  I will see new things, want better STUFF, anything to make me feel better – because I am a selfish, sinful human.

BUT GOD.

Is not.

GOD.  Will not fail.  And if I put my faith in HIM – He will NEVER fail me.  And I will never have a reason, to loose my faith.  I can loose a house, a pet, a friend.  I can feel like I am the last person in the world, but God will still be there.  And I can put my faith in Him, and KNOW that He will never leave.  Even though I might.  He will always, ALWAYS be there.

Its hard, but it doesnt have to be.  All you have to do is release your grip on something that isnt yours anyways.  And sometimes, that is the hardest thing to do.  Admitting that you arent in control, even though you so desperately want to be sometimes.

I was a little bummed about this weeks capture.  There have been no sunsets this week.  Infact we have gotten maybe a handful of sunsets this year.  Its been wet, rainy, and soggy.  Really.  And back to school?  Well, there hasn’t been much of that for our family!  I wasn’t sure what to do, but then yesterday, I got an idea!

Dad just returned from having surgery.  Since he isn’t supposed to lift over 15 pounds, that pretty much cuts out any work for him.  Also he cant really bend/lift without hurting himself right now either!  But with him being the only source of income, and the only one able to work – we were somewhat worried.  We also had a few frantic and worried customers as well!

After a rather, freakish moment in which I realized how desperate we were, and really how helpless we were to do anything, we decided that we, would help!  Im sure dad rolled his eyes mentally when we purposed this idea.  Three little monkeys were going to help!  Sure.  Sure they were.

David was probably the most help out of us all, lifting, sanding, drilling, bolting, unbolting, timing, everything involved in an engine job – all while dad pointed, and told him what to do.  Amanda and I provided the entertainment, tunes, and coffee.  Hey, we helped!  We also cracked jokes, took pictures, and had screams on demand.  Mom tinkered around picking up stray tools, and garbage.  By the end of the day – we were all simply exhausted!  But it triggered an idea in my mind – It was pretty much like school.  Dad was teaching David how to do something, so in a round about way – it was “Back to school” in a not so “Back to school” sort of way.  A stretch, but it fit, I thought, for us atleast!

It was in a way, “Back to school” for Amanda and I, a few years ago, we spent the summer working on go-kart engines, it was on a much smaller scale of course, but it was kind of neat to remember everything we had learned, and see it on a much MUCH bigger scale!

Mechanic school:

“Grind this down.”

“On it.”

Amanda helping out.

Installing the water pump!

“What is it?”

“Hand me that tool.  No, not the helmet, the tool!”

See? I was there!

This will make an engine!  No, really!  It will!

Aha!

“What do you say?”

“Were done for the night.”

Sept 7, 2011

All week we had tried our very hardest to get to the Great Wall.

We had planned, and talked and prepared -all without success. Everyday there had been a new obstacle that prevented us from going. Now the last day was arriving, and some of us even started to contemplate not going!

There were so many options to consider; which route do we take? So many sections of the wall; which one do we go to? So many tours…should we take one? If so, which one? We talked to lots of people, did lots of research, looked high and low and finally, FINALLY decided on a section of the wall to visit. David and Dad even found a bus that took us straight to the Great Wall! We were happy about that, if we were to take a cab it would have been expensive and worse -we would have to be in two separate cabs, which we hadn’t really had good luck with.

On the day before our last day we had woken up early. 5am early. We rushed out of the hostel fast -too fast perhaps. None of us were really “with it.” We somehow managed to catch the subway and get off at the right stops though. And armed with Chinese directions on how to get where we needed to go we were confident. The bus we needed, bus 867, turned out to be a tricky little bus to catch! It only left once a day, at 8am sharp. As sharp as it gets in China.

We arrived in the general area of the bus station but as the time got closer and closer to the bus departure time – we realized we still had no idea where to go. We flagged a cab down – they looked at our directions and pointed off in the distance mumbling something in Chinese, and then they drove away. Apparently, we were so close – that it wasn’t worth their time to take us there! And so they drove off. Leaving us clueless. Frantically, we started walking faster and faster…

“Lady? Sir? Great Wall?”

Amanda and I whirled around. Someone speaking English? Surely she could help us! We were eager to accept any help and immediately shoved our paper at her asking for directions. We had approx ten minutes to find the bus stop, and board the bus. She looked at the paper. And shook her head. “No bus. I Take you!!!” It was then we realized our mistake. She was a tour guide for the Great Wall, and instead of helping… she followed us for a good twenty minutes repeating herself. “No bus. I take. Sir. Lady. I take. Great wall. I take. No bus.” We were annoyed, and frustrated. Asking any random person we could, showing our Chinese paper at them, but to no avail.

Soon it was 8’o’clock. We stood there watching different buses drive by. Clearly we were in the right area. We were close. But not close enough. By now we realized that we had missed our bus, and were no closer to the Great Wall than we had been days ago, despite all our efforts and even getting up early! We decided to find the bus stop anyways though, and give it one final attempt the following day.

After finding a few helpful people we found our way to a bus parking lot. A bus station it was called. It was hidden way down the street, and away from the main bus station in a place that we hadn’t thought to look before. Finally I spotted the number of the bus we needed, in tiny numbers in the far corner of a bigger sign. Success. Or was it?

The next morning we were up early again.

Just as we had the past few days. Thanks to our ordeal the previous day with the Summer Palace and being caught in the rain, none of us were feeling that well. Plus we were tired from having been up so early the previous days and going until late at night, with lots of incidents in between. We were all exhausted. None of us were really “Feeling” like going to the Great Wall. None of us that is, except Dad. He really REALLY wanted to see the wall, while the rest of us would have been happy to sleep the day away. But none the less, we reluctantly rolled out of bed, and left the hostel before 6am. The skies were heavy grey, and rain was threatening.

This time however, we knew where we were going. We must have appeared confident enough because no tour guides harassed us that morning. Or maybe it was too early for them? We made it to the bus stop, the correct one this time, with ten minutes to spare.

The bus arrived, we all piled on and we were off.

We didn’t have tickets, but assumed that we could buy them on the bus. At least we hoped we could! When the ticket lady approached us asking for tickets we told her “Great Wall.” She nodded and ripped us out a STACK of tickets. This was slightly worrisome to us, and we really had no idea if we were supposed to get off somewhere along the way and change buses, or what we were to do with our pile of tickets. But we decided to wait and see what would happen. On the ride we attempted to eat the breakfast we had brought with us. It consisted of horrible yogurt and cheerios. This of course, did not work well on a bus and it soon looked like what would happen if you had a bus load of three year olds – cheerios scattered everywhere, yogurt smeared on us. And to make matters worse, David started to feel sick.

The bus traveled for hours. All the way from Beijing to Mutianyu. It made a few stops along the way, almost as if it were a city bus we were riding, and finally it pulled into a big parking lot that looked slightly similar to the one where we had boarded. We assumed that was our stop? Or was it? There was no Great Wall in sight. “WHERE IS THIS WALL??” Someone muttered loud enough for everyone to hear. But no one answered.

Nobody except David who stood up. “I’m getting off!” He didn’t look so well, in fact he looked ready to bolt. I looked around. It didn’t appear that there there was a rest stop, OR a wall in sight. I pictured David getting off, and us all getting separated. But before anyone could make a move, the bus lurched and off we went. Maybe they were changing drivers? Or not. We weren’t sure. But we were moving again. Towards the wall? Or not. No one was sure. But there wasnt much else we could do except ride it out.

After another 30 minutes or so, of long windy roads in a big bus that whipped the corners as fast as possible, we arrived at what appeared to be our destination. Signs indicated that we were at the “Great Wall” and arrows pointed in all different directions. In total the trip had taken about two and a half hours. Yay!! We were relieved!

We had made it!

We got off, scoped out the area, familiarized ourselves, and set off to find what we had came for: The Great Wall.

The only problem was… there were five people: Dad, Mom, David, Amanda and I – and we all had very different ideas of what this wall was, and HOW we were going to get up there!

Amanda, David and I had been told that there was a “Million stair hike” to the top of the wall, and none of us felt like that. But dad wanted to see the wall, and he was going to do whatever it took to see that wall. Others didn’t feel quite the same. Mom tried to reason among us.

We headed off the get tickets. Tickets for what exactly, we weren’t sure. Tickets in general. We stood at the counter, handed some money and were told to go “That way.” But that didn’t solve anything. We didn’t feel like hiking a million and one stairs. Someone had told us to take a ride to the top. And while Amanda, David and I tried to find this “Ride” Dad began to wonder and worry that we would NEVER see the wall itself. SO close, yet SO far.

Dad had somehow assumed that once you went through the “Gates” with the tickets he had purchased that we would be “At the wall” he could see it, touch it, hug it – whatever it was he had so desperately wanted to do with this wall. Dad didn’t understand why we weren’t on-board. “It’s RIGHT there” he kept saying. But we would have none of it, instead were looking for the “Ride.”

Mom and Dad took off up the hill. A hill which was so steep you almost had to walk up it sideways. It was raining and the hill was slippery. Venders lined both sides of the streets, desperately trying to sell us their trinkets and “I climbed to Great Wall” t-shirts. Amanda, David and I continued to slosh through the rain with our rain coats and umbrellas, looking and looking for the ticket booth for the “Ride” that we had been told of.

Thanks to a few English speaking tourist who had been there before, we were finally able to find out that we weren’t, in fact, crazy. There was indeed a ride to the wall. The Great Wall was located at the very top of the mountain. There were, in fact, many different ways to get to the top – you could hike, which was a very treacherous miles long hike up the side of a mountain with many MANY many stairs. You could also take the “Ski lift” or the gondola. The tourists that we talked to recommended taking the gondola with the roof, considering it was a very wet rainy afternoon.

I ran back up the hill (as much as one can run up a hill like that!) to tell Mom and Dad about our discovery of the ride, and to get the money needed. I found them, then headed back down to buy the tickets. Then back up again to reconfirm our decision. All the while dad was wondering why we weren’t going through to see the wall, and why we were forking out money to take a wild ride through the trees.

I should also add that we were on a strict time limit – if we werent back to the bus stop in a few hours – we would have to spend the day, or perhaps even the night out there.

I went back down the hill yet again to find David and Amanda -who were suppose to be getting tickets, then a bite for David to eat. But when I found them, they were in line for pancakes. Having been up and down the hill four times already, and soaking wet, I was not impressed.

I headed back up the hill for the last time, and informed Mom and Dad – who were very wet by this time – that Amanda and David were buying pancakes. Envisioning an hour wait while they dined on pancakes in a diner – Dad took off through the gates. A few minutes later, and David and Amanda found their way to the top of the hill.

At that point – no one was impressed. We were all soaked through, David was still feeling sick, Amanda was very worried about him, I was tired, and Dad was frustrated that we weren’t coming through to see the wall that was “Just around the corner” – or so he thought.

Eventually Amanda and David went off down the hill, I was determined to NOT WALK UP THAT HILL AGAIN, so I reasoned that we should just go see the wall, and get it done with. After all we were on a time limit, had come that far, paid that much – we might as well just get it over with.

Mom and I joined Dad on the other side of the gate where we discovered that the wall was NOT in fact “Just around the corner” but was, as we had feared, up the mountain -a gazillion and one stairs, OR, you could take a ride up the gondola, and get dumped out on-top the wall.

The wall was located WAY up on the top of the mountain. The wall itself, was probably only about 15 feet tall, but it stretched on FOREVER. And EVER. And EVER. It was then we were thankful for the ride up, and decided it would be worth it to get a ride down too!

It only took about 15 minutes before we, ok, I, was starting to feel guilty about going without David & Amanda. Mom hadn’t wanted to go to begin with and Dad, well, he was just happy to have finally SEEN the wall, and was ready to go back down whenever. So back we headed. We couldnt get down fast enough it seemed!

Mom and I on top the Wall

We were finally at the bottom of the wall, where we found a soggy Amanda and David. Everyone hugged, talked and finally, for the first time that day – communicated. We decided that communication was in fact, a good thing. And we purchased three more tickets – and this time, I took David and Amanda back up to see this “Great Wall.”

The wall that seemed to go ON and ON for EVER. It was wet and rainy, and somewhat foggy, but even in the fog – there was a unique beauty to it. The wall itself wasn’t that pretty, but standing that HIGH up in the mountains, looking down on all the green trees, it was probably one of the most beautiful places we had been in China.

Three hours after arriving, we hopped back on the same bus that had taken us there. We may not have conquered the world, but we conquered the Great Wall – and that was good enough for us!

When we got back to the bus station in Beijing, in was hot and all sunshine and blue skies! A real contrast to the soaking wet rain that had been at the wall. I think we were probably the proudest when we made it back to where we had started at the end of our journey!! And finally, we could mark the “Great wall” off our list of things to see.

And considering what it had taken to get there, well, it just added to the experience. It had taken us five days to reach the wall! But finally, we had made it.

Sept 5, 2011

After arriving back from our scare at the Summer Palace, we changed clothes, showered and took a brief nap to recover from our adventure. A few hours later, stomachs rumbling, and the sun shining, we decided once again to give China the benefit of the doubt, and head out to get some dinner. After all – rain storms in China didn’t happen twice in one day. So out we went.

We headed down the street to a little authentic Chinese joint, where we ordered with the phrase book, and attempted to enjoy one of our last meals in China. We discussed our plans for after dinner. Right down the street was a store called “Wu-Mart” -which was the Chinese version of Walmart. We needed to get a suitcase, preferably one with wheels, and the other day we had seen one that looked to be good, and didn’t cost too much! Plus we needed a few other random items. We paid our bill, and headed for the door.

We peered out the door of the restaurant. It was, raining. Nice. We now had to make a decision: We could either walk back to the hostel now, and maybe escape most of the rain, or we could go to Wu-Mart, do our shopping and take a cab home. We opted for the second choice, we raced through the parking lot, across a street and into the store. We checked out luggage, picked up a few random items, browsed the cereal aisle, tipped over a laundry soap display, and debated over a few toothbrushes.

Suddenly – Dad wasn’t feeling good. He needed a bathroom. But where was it? Obviously everything was in Chinese, and there weren’t signs with arrows pointing the way. We asked a worker. “Bathroom?” She looked hopeless, but grabbed a random customer with a younger kid. The Chinese tend to teach their kids English as well as Chinese, so this was our best bet. “BATHROOM?” I asked the kid. “What?” He looked confused. I tried to think of a hand signal for bathroom. But none were fitting. I finally gave up and took off running through the store, most likely giving the impression that I was the one who needed a bathroom!

I headed down a moving sidewalk escalator, a Wu Mart employee came running up to the edge, and peering down at me, he began yelling loudly in Chinese. He seemed very VERY angry about something, I think he was upset that I was standing on the wrong side of the escalator or something like that, but I couldn’t be sure. Finally I stepped off. I found a bathroom, found Dad, and gave him directions to get there – forgetting all about the “No toilet paper in bathrooms” standard that China has.

About ten minutes later, we ran into Mom – who looked frantic. She said that Dad had returned, having no paper, and needed some. Pronto. Unfortunately the Wu-Mart store had three levels, and we were all on a separate level. I rushed off to find David and Amanda – we needed to enlist in the help of David for this task, and we also needed to check out the groceries and get back to the hostel soon, considering Dad wasn’t feeling good now. David and Amanda headed off to the bathroom and dealt with the same treatment as I did on the escalator. Apparently the man was just as angry at them as he had been at me!

FINALLY though we had everyone and everything. We loaded our bags up, and headed for the door – and to our dismay it was now POURING rain. In fact, they were piling sand bags up in front of the door, and pushing water back out of the entrance! ”Oh well” we thought – we were planning to get a taxi anyways, so it shouldn’t be too big of a deal.

“Alright, heres the deal” I proposed an idea….

“I will take Mom and Dad out and get them in a taxi.” The idea was so that we all didn’t have to get wet. Since the taxis would only allow four people in at a time, we would put Mom and Dad in one, show the driver a picture of where we wanted to go, then David, Amanda and I would catch the next cab. It sounded simple enough.

But it was anything but simple. I grabbed the camera, that had the picture of the sign where we needed to go, and rushed out into the rain. I bolted from the doors, and across the parking lot, which is where I discovered I was standing in water that went over my ankles. I sloshed through, jumping and leaping trying to make it to the road. The water was an odd combination of warm, and cold. A brown muddy color. I finally reached the road, rain drops, falling HEAVY. I waved at a cab, who sped by. I waved another – he too sped past. I waved down atleast five cabs, and none of the stopped. Desperate, I ran to one that was dropped someone else off, I swung the door open and the man rudely waved me off, yelling something. I slammed the door and he sped off.

I ran to the next cab, who did the same thing, only this time, he picked up two other people and then drove away. By this time I was MAD. I looked behind me and saw Mom and Dad making their way through the swimming pool of a parking lot. I ran back to the store front. SOAKED. I burst in. David and Amanda stood looking on, while everyone else in the store stared and laughed. Someone tried to sell me an umbrella. Couldn’t they see I was already wet??

“NO ONE WILL STOP! THE CABS WILL NOT STOP!!!”

I yelled. This of course worked Amanda up, and she ran outside to join me in the rain for a shower. She chased a few cabs down herself before realizing the hard truth – the cabs were not going to stop for us.

By this time Dad had already grabbed the suitcase and headed off down the road. David attempted to buy some umbrellas and Mom took off after Dad.

We took off after them a few minutes later, only to discover one of the umbrellas – was broken! It wouldn’t stay open. I wedged it open, finally getting it to stay, but as we crossed a street, I spotted an angry looking Chinese man. He started shaking his fist while walking towards us. As we approached him, and he us, he took a swing at my umbrella muttering something to us as my umbrella collapsed. I turned around and thanked him, sarcastically while marching off, with the broken umbrella in tote.

About half way back, it got worse. With rain pelting down, suddenly there was a loud crash, and lightening started to streak across the sky. With three lightening rods ontop of our umbrellas we picked up the pace. Screaming and jumping at every bang. We had never heard thunder quite that loud before! Just to give you an idea on how loud it was, a few nights prior – in a thunder storm, there were car alarms going off. It wasn’t the little rolls of thunder we occasionally hear here in Ketchikan. These were loud BANGS! Followed by giant streaks of light going across the sky. It probably would have been something worth seeing if we weren’t stuck outside trying frantically to get back!

Just as we rounded the corner to our hostel, there was a loud BANG! And a woman came out from an alley. Scared silly, Amanda and I took off running.

It was then we decided that there would be no more puddle jumping. It was also when we realized that the hostel “Dryers” were useless to us -those laundry lines on-top of the roof would do us no good. Instead, we hung our clothes up inside on hangers and anything else we could find, slipped into the only dry clothes we had, and went to sleep for the night. Convinced we had probably seen the biggest storm in China’s history, and thankful that we had lived to tell about it!!

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. – John 14:27

 

I havent had a lot of peace lately.  Dont get me wrong, it has been a great summer, especially since Amanda and David have been able to spend some time here, and we were able to spend time with them in China.  But peace.  It hasnt been something that I have felt for a while.

Ironically, this weeks theme was “Peace.”  As usual, I started wondering what I could “Capture” to represent peace.  In Sunday School there were numerous verses read off about peace.  I dont really remember the context, I was taken back by the verses about peace.  Most likely because that had been the subject on MY mind.

Peace of this world…is nothing.  It comes and goes.  With storms, chaos, situations, emotions, thoughts and theory’s.  When you rely on the world for peace, you get what the world has to offer.  Peace comes and goes.  It varies.  It sways.  Like everything else in this world.

“If you rely on yourself, you get what you have to offer.  If you rely on money, you get what money has to offer.  If you rely on God, you get what God has to offer.”

Thankfully, the peace that comes through God, is a peace that doesnt come or go.  Your circumstances dont matter.  Your emotions dont matter.  Peace from God is a peace that cant be explained, and cant be captured.  Its a real, honest peace that things of this world might not be ok, but that.  Is ok.