Tangled Thoughts

As 2014 comes to a quick close, I am both excited and scared at the prospect of a new year. A new year for so many means a fresh start – and while it is, and can be – every day is a fresh start. To have a whole year full of fresh starts is somewhat unnerving to me. I was sorting through some posts to try and do a recap of my year (post to come later) I stumbled on something I wrote in January.

“While I don’t have any great big goals this year of winning the lottery, or ending world hunger…I think this year, instead of brief moments of remembering, and realizing – I want to remember year round. I want to remember my need for a Savior. When I think about it, there isn’t’ a little voice in the back of my mind saying “You will mess this up” and maybe that’s because I already know I HAVE messed this up. Which makes it all that much better. Because no matter how much I mess up, its ok.” – January 2014

That there? Pretty much sums up 2014 in a nut shell. Because boy did I fail.

Its ironic, really. That I forgot all about writing that post until the other day when I found it. And suddenly, everything kind of fell into place. I wanted to be reminded – everyday of this year, of my need for a savior. And I was. Sometimes it was gentle reminders, and sometimes it was harsh reminders. But none the less, I was reminded. I just didn’t remember that I had WANTED to be reminded!

This year I have been kicking around some thoughts about trust. How can I trust, when should I trust? What is trust? I had a lot of thoughts going around in my mind one week in particular – I was stressing about all sorts of stupid things, and trying to make things happen that really shouldn’t happen. Nothing was going right and I found myself getting upset at the trivial, stupid things in life.

And then I stumbled on a Bible verse which put me (and my unruly thoughts!) back into place:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.” – Isaiah 55:8

To me, the verse simply said that while I might not be completely happy with the way things are going – its not my area to question. Its my place to trust that God is in control – no matter what my circumstances. It was late one night when I had to ask myself “If I don’t trust God in the SMALL areas of my life – how do I expect to trust Him with the big areas?”

It gave me the freedom to let go of things in my life, and really come to an understanding that while I may not be completely happy with the way certain things are – God knows, and is still in control – and nothing is ever out of His control. Just because things sometimes are out of my control – does not mean anything has changed.

“Sometimes I think that I get to thinking that because I am saved, I don’t have a need anymore. I can do it myself. And every once and a while I am reminded, that no I cant. And yes I do have a need. A great need.” – January 2014

How quickly I forget.

This year, similar to last – I don’t have any major new years resolutions. I have things I want to accomplish, and things I hope to achieve. But mostly this year, I want to build on what I have learned this year. I want to be reminded that I need a savior – yes. Yes! But I also want to take the knowledge that I KNOW I need Him, and build. I want to trust Him. In every area of my life. With every decision. With everything.

Here is to another year. Another day. Another chance.

Top Photo: David Yu