While it may seem like a thin line between Pre-Panic and full on Panic, they really are two different things. However, they both occur around the same time and are often confused, leaving those in its path – confused as well. Let me help those in the midst of either a “Pre-Panic” or “Panic”, by clarifying a few things.

Pre-Panic, and Panic occur generally before a big trip.  It is the process many refer to as “Preparation.”

Pre-Panic occurs first. It is often confused with either a “Deep clean” or a cleaning spur that is done before a guest were to arrive. It involves casually cleaning behind closed doors, vacuuming underneath chairs, and sorting through the junk drawers on rainy afternoons.

Pre-Panic often welcomes help. If asked Pre-Panic will most likely point you in the direction of a room. Pre-Panic comes and goes in the leading days before a trip, and can come in various stages.

Pre-Panic looks to discover what is making that lump under the rug, sweeps and mops beneath said rug – and beats or washes the rug before laying it back down.

Pre-Panic will clean here and there, whistling a tune, and making lists that vaguely outline the chores that should be accomplished.

Panic can come at any moment. And often can be reached through a Pre-Panic cleaning spree – with no return. Panic should not be taken lightly. You should remain out of the path of Panic at all costs. Do not offer to help, and do not sit by idly watching. You should also refrain from pointing out “Spots missed” or that you are “Hungry.” You might also want to avoid standing by making yourself something to eat.

Panic can often be found atop a ladder changing a light bulb, while planting seeds.

Panic does not look under the rug, but instead sweeps things UNDER it and wonders (while running to another task) how much more can be put beneath said rug before someone starts to wonder.

Panic is often viewed as a tornado, a whirlwind, or a clean that occurs before the president unexpectedly drops in. Panic does not stop to make a list, but if it were to stop – the list would simply read “QUIT READING ME! GET TO WORK! CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!”

Panic will be awake until 4am. And awake again at 5.

To Survive Panic (assuming you are not involved with Panic yourself):

  • Hide. Do not stand, sit, or look idle.
  • Don’t Speak. Panic wont hear you anyways, but what you do say will be twisted into something along the lines of “You missed a spot.”
  • Run. You cant outrun Panic, but atleast you will look active and you might be left alone for that microsecond.
  • Don’t. Don’t speak, Don’t eat, Don’t sit, Don’t stand. Don’t run, Don’t talk, Don’t comment. Don’t not speak, Don’t not stand, Don’t not sit….
  • Nothing. There is absolutely nothing you can do to survive Panic completely. You will eventually emerge – with a cleaner house, but until then – there is nothing you can do but throw yourself at the feet of Panic and do as it says.

It is important to remember that Pre-Panic may interchange with Panic, but Panic can NEVER interchange with Pre-Panic.

One thought on “The Survivors Guide to Pre-Panic, and Panic

  1. RoSy says:

    I love your first paragraph of panic. VERY important note.

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