Its hard, to explain. The emotions of these past few months. Of course, any post of mine that starts out with a sentence like that, is destine for my personal journal. No on the word wide web for all to read. These past few months, year, year and ½ even, have been a gradual elevator of things leading up to the big event that will eventually, take place, on Thursday.
The day when my sister, my big sister…my only sister, will be married. And while I could not TELL you just how happy I am for them, it seems sort of like it’s an…abrupt halt.
Like all this time, effort, sweat, frustration, tears, happiness, sadness, and work, has been for this. This one event. This 20 minute ceremony that will leave my sister a married woman.
The rings? They havent really meant anything to me. Seeing it on my sisters hand is something that has taken some getting used to. Seeing her fall into a mans arms. Yea, that’s taken some getting used to as well. Seeing her fall head over heals, madly loving this man? That’s hard too. And while I know…that he loves her back with the same free full pure love that only they can give and take – I still wonder.
My mom has been saying that once she is married, our relationship, my sister and I’s will change. Its something I have been trying to grasp onto. How? How will our relationship change? Up until today I have blindly believed that it wouldn’t. Of course, I tried to tell myself that perhaps it might, and gently remind myself that I need to back away some giving them their own personal space…
But…
I don’t know what happened. Tonight…
It really hit me.
It WILL change.
Ive known her…my whole life. Not a day has gone by that I havent seen her. Not one. I have woken up every morning to my sister being in my bed or bedroom…and now, I am suppose to be grasping the idea. The ideas like people offering them their house to stay in, after they are married…because, I mean, really? Who gets married and comes home and sleeps in their separate rooms? Ok, some do. I wont name names, but I never really thought of that before…
And tonight, as we came home from a walk…my sister, her fiancée, his best friend, and of course, her best friend…I couldn’t help but realize…I am…she is…we are…changing. It WILL be different.
And Im trying to accept that as being ok…
Tonight as we walked home in the dark, the light hearted chatter going on behind and in front of me, I suddenly realize…my sister. Shes getting…married. Her best friend…is also, getting married. His best friend…plans to be married…all my friends…have someone they eventually plan to marry…
My sister…
Is getting married…
Shes going to leave. And go. And be gone.
And that’s ok. Really. I am. I am happy. I really really REALLY am. I am happy for her. I am excited, and am really not bitter…I promise.
But Im not sure how to handle this. This new…stuff. Of being alone.
By myself.
Without my sister.
Who will be living a million and one miles away.
I don’t know how to handle this changing, of relationships.
I dont know what to do with this lovely couple…who are part of my life…
Except wish them the very VERY best.
Tangled Thoughts 