Tangled Thoughts

I once wrote a list titled “Benefits of being single.” I added to it over the years and by the time I got done, I had an impressive list. I only wrote this list because for so long I felt as if I were doing something wrong. As if I had missed the golden bench mark. As if being single was wrong. Because for so many years, all I I heard was how wrong it is to be single. As if I needed a motivational speech on getting married. As if there is something wrong with me.

Yes, I’ll be honest. I spent a few years hating all boys and the male variety, I also spent a few years in the “Always stay single never get married club” in fact, I am still a member, I suppose. But I am not against marriage. In fact, when I was younger while all my little friends would dress up as super heroes and doctors when attending a “What I want to be when I grow up” party, I would grab all my dolls and state that the only thing I wanted to be when I grew up was married.

You know, so there’s that.

Over the years I have gotten many different replies and responses to my singleness. I’ve been told many different things I could change or do to help my self along this path. People have told me they are sorry. That they are praying for my future spouse. That if I just weren’t so busy I would have time to get married…the list is endless and it goes on and on. Over the years, I have gotten good at combating these responses in a somewhat comical way:

Just last week when someone asked if I had found the love of my life yet and I informed them that I had, me! I was the love of my life!

But here is the thing, all joking aside. No matter how badly I want it or may have wanted, it hasn’t been in the cards. I’ve spent a few years lamenting the fact that I was single. Beating myself up for STILL not being married…and then I realized something, I may or may not get married -but at the moment, I am single. And at the moment. That is ok. In fact, it’s more than ok. There is nothing wrong with this and there is nothing wrong with me…ok, there may be things wrong with me -but that is a different story.

You see, I can do some pretty awesome things while being single. I can jet off to England for the weekend with a backpack and a few spare changes of clothes. I can sleep till noon. I can have five different jobs. I can eat ice cream for dinner. I can hang out with friends until midnight. I can be spontaneous. I can do whatever the heck I want because I have no one relying on me. That much. I’m not saying that you can’t do these things with a family -I’m just saying my life as a singleton doesn’t suck as much as most think.

I wanted (want?) kids, yes…but I have a pretty neat gaggle of kids I interact with as it is. I teach Sunday school, I lead an AWANA group, I hang out with preschoolers and kindergartners in a job I love. I babysit, I get random artwork from some of the best littles and so many hugs on a daily basis. I smile at a baby on the airplane and am attacked by their gummy little hands. No, they aren’t mine…no it probably isn’t the same, but that is ok. I am ok. I am more than ok.

So the next time you see me and start to feel sorry for me or ask me when I am getting married (seriously, like I know) instead ask me about my latest travels. My Sunday school class. My job. My preschoolers. Ask me about my amazing nephew and niece. Instead of praying for my future marriage -pray for me now. I need plenty of prayer in the here and now. Pray that I would show God’s love to these little ones. That I would be patient and kind in my work. That I would seek His will in my life. That I would continually ask for HIS guidance -and follow Him. That I wouldn’t be stubborn and ignore his leading. Pray that I would submit to Him. Pray that I would make Him first. That I would seek to glorify Him in ALL that I do. Pray for the relationships I have now -because I have plenty of them. I am a sister, a daughter, a friend, an auntie. I am a teacher, a leader. I need prayers to keep my mind on God and not on earthly things…

And then if I do get married, pray for my spouse -because he is going to need a lot of prayers to put up with me.

The bottom line is that I am not against married, but there is plenty happening here and now -marriage may or may not happen -but I am more than ok with that, and I really wish everyone else could be too.