Since Im going to be gone for two weeks, and I dont know how much time, or if I will be able to post, I wanted to have this post at the front.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Ive been thinking a lot lately, and this week has really brought things around in a full incomplete circle that makes absolutely no sense to me.
I don’t even know where to begin, or end.
These past few weeks have been “ok” as far as family things go, and as a result, I have had more time to focus on other aspects, and have found myself floundering.
This Sunday, our pastor was out of town – and someone else filled his place in the pulpit. His topic? Trust and Fear. He talked about how we worry about things that shouldn’t be worried about, because through history in the Bible God has promised, (and followed through with His promises) to take care of us.
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
And I don’t know if this was the point he was exactly driving for, but at the end he read a story, and his whole sermon was tied up in one nice neat knot.
Do you trust God enough to die?
In the story he read, about a war, and forgive me, I don’t remember the details, and I am paraphrasing here…but in the story, during the war, the Captain was marching his horse back and forth in front of his men saying in a calm voice “Easy men” Sometime later, someone asked him how he managed to keep so calm in situations where bullets were flying, and he answered that God knew when it was his time to die – so why should he give it any worry?
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
This was one of the verses in the well known passage of Matthew, that he preached on.
Its really made me stop, and think. And wonder, and yes…worry.
Do I trust God enough to die? Am I ready to die? If I died today, what would the end result be?
And naturally I want to get down and beg God to let me live longer. Im not ready to die, for human, earthly, selfish reasons. Im young. I still have things in this life I would like to accomplish.
But, none of that matters, in this light. The light that God knows the exact day, minute, second, and hour that each and every one of us will die – like it or not – and while that should bring me some sense of peace, it doesn’t.
And Im afraid to admit that.
Because Im not ready to meet God yet. I havent been “Good” enough. I havent “Done” enough for Him. When I look at my life, I don’t see a pattern of sinless holiness that I would be pleased to present before Him…instead I see a broken life filled to the brim with sin, and garbage. I see someone whos life has been self centered, and worthless. A life that has been used for things OTHER than Gods will and purpose. I see wasted days, wasted time, wasted words. I see hate, and anger. And lies. And selfishness. I see someone who has broken every one of the ten commandments on every single day of her life, and I think no. I cannot meet Him like this.
I see a life that is so caught up in THIS world, that I have given eternal life little thought. “I will do it tomorrow” “I will take of that later” “They can wait” “This, Me, I…am more important”
And then someone dies.
Like there has been so much of lately. Words that have gone unspoken, things that have gone undone.
And I ask myself again “What if…”
What if that car stopped suddenly today? What if crossing the street – someone came around the corner unexpectedly? What if a simple walk turned into the last day? What if someone started shooting? What if the roof caved in? What if? What if? What if?
And I realize, that this life? This broken, selfish, sinful life that I have been living…is not mine. Its not mine to do with as I please. It is not my decision for how long I live. It is not up to me, to give myself tomorrow. Infact….
Now listen, you who say Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
James puts it so nicely for us.
We are not given tomorrow. We are not given any amount of time. The time we have, each and every moment, every miraculous breath that we take – should be considered nothing less than that. A miracle. A gift, given to us by God. It is not ours, it is not ours to keep, or hold onto, or stash away. It is His. We are to live each day as if we are living in Gods presence, because we are.
No one knows how long they have to live, no one knows how long until they meet their creator. So why not live like today is your last day, and tomorrow you will be seeing Him face to face. There are no more tomorrows. There is only now.
What God has given us.
This life. This gift. This precious treasure of time. We may think it is ours, but in reality, it isn’t. Nothing is ours.
Do you trust God enough to die?
If so, then you should have no fears living how He would want you to live. Boldly living for Him.