He knows

Its something Ive wondered about, for a while now…thought about, but never deeply. Touched the surface, but never given it much more thought. Im selfish like that. I prefer to think that because I have a problem, then that is it. It’s a problem, no matter how big or small it may be…it’s a problem. And most likely, a big one. But I have to wonder, think, and sometimes go beyond the surface – do I really have the right to complain about this problem? Do I really have the right, the audacity to question whether or not God knows what He is doing when He gives me this problem? Do I really have the nerve to QUESTION or ASK even?

I think (who am I kidding, I KNOW!) sometimes that I think that if I don’t know where this is going, if I cant see the bigger picture, if I think its unfair, than God must certainly not. Maybe Hes forgotten, maybe I should remind Him. Tell Him that, hey you know what…Im still here. Still struggling, still wondering – Im STILL around, ya know?

But what if…

What if the “Problem” that I have, this so called issue that has been in my life for some time, is really NOT a problem?

Wait. Hold on. Stop. That cant be right.

But no, Im serious.

What if?

This “Problem” this “Issue” that I cant see the bottom of, that is fuzzy and unclear, and the end result is less than desirable…is not so much of a problem?

What if, God knows what He is doing? What if God is in control? What if this problem is NOT out of His sight, but something He is fully aware of?

Now there is a concept that I havent thought much of lately.

But its true. And I must admit, that I have been very Unfocused lately. Oh, Ive been focused, on ALL the wrong things, Ive focused on ME, and MY problems, and MY feelings and MY perspective and ME ME ME MINE MINE MINE ALL ME!

Ugh.

So what if God is trying to teach me something? Or what if He is trying to bring me closer to Him? Am I going to really step up and say “Hey, you know, I don’t really LIKE this.” Oh you better believe it, I have. I have gotten up and said “I don’t like this, and if You arent going to do anything about it, then I will.”

I have put a limit on my God, and have put Him into a box with my demands, and left Him there – while I run around like a fool in underwear screaming because Im not getting my way.

Im selfish. Im human. I want what I want, when I want it and not a second later. And when I don’t GET that, then I chock it up to either Gods forgotten, Hes too busy, or maybe He just doesn’t care about ME and MY problems – because that is entirely possible. Maybe…my problems, arent problems after all.

Maybe, they are a direct result of me running off thinking I know better, and instead of trusting that God knows best for me, and my life (which isn’t mine anyways) I think that I know best, and I can do better…

And once again, Im running of…kicking and screaming the whole way. Like that brat in the grocery store.

I have never doubted Gods existence. I know that God is real, I know that God has saved me, and while I might not be able to fully grasp it – I know He loves me.

But I have, in a very very VERY sinful selfish way, doubted that God remembers me, and who I am. That because of something small in my life that has caused me to be unfocused, I have assumed that God has become unfocused, lost direction, and has been swerving right along side of me, scrambling to pick up the muddy pieces and put them together.

No. No. No. No.

This is not true.

God knows what He is doing, and He has a plan – even if it is a plan that I don’t know, and I cant see. A plan that I might not LIKE for the time being. But I know, that God is there. And always has been. Even if I havent.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

– II Corinthians 12:8-10