Tangled Thoughts

Thankfulness

Christina

November 20, 2011

I was thinking today, as we drove home…about being thankful. Its easy, I thought to myself, to be thankful when your gathered around the thanksgiving table. Its easy to be thankful when all the food is piping hot, and waiting for you to devour it. Its easy to be thankful…when you are hungry, and there is a good meal laid out before you. But what about other times?

What about after your done eating? And theres all those dishes to do?

I suppose, I thought to myself, I should be thankful to the ability to be grouchy ABOUT dishes! Thinking that out loud sparked a thought.

Am I really thankful?

I mean, thankful ALL the time?

Sadly, no. I am not. I get mad. I get frustrated. I get fed up. I get so very Unthankful its almost pitiful.

With Thanksgiving fast approaching, I have really been stuck on this topic. Thankfulness. And what it means.

I have a list of things that need to be accomplished.

And last week, my mind went ramped with this list. At lightening speed these thoughts were all racing around my head, and I couldn’t think of anything except “HOW AM I GOING TO GET ALL THIS DONE!” In a moment of frustration I ran upstairs and quickly wrote out about twenty things that were on my mind at THAT moment, taking up space, keeping me from what I really needed to be focused on.

When I got done I had a brief moment of “Im never going to get all that done” before I realized…each one of those “Burdens” were actually things I should be thankful for. Each one of those things causing me frustration should be cause for happiness. For thankfulness. When I looked at the list in THAT light, things suddenly had a different spin on them.

Instead of thinking of what I HAD to do for dinner; I thought of what I was really doing. Being upset because we had so much food to eat that I had to think of which item TO prepare??

Instead of thinking of all the bills that needed to be paid; I realized that these were things that we don’t NEED but have simply because we WANT and have the ability to pay for.

Instead of stressing about all these gifts that we HAVE to get for people; I began to remember all the times we have been blessed with something from someone, and was reminded to be thankful for the ability to not only have the means to give these people a gift, but for the ability to THINK about these people, PURCHASE a gift, and everything else that’s involved.

There was so much more than twenty things to be thankful for, that suddenly…the “unthankfulls” on my list had multiplied into a giant list of things to be thankful for.

A simple meal turned into something that I had five good reasons to be thankful – not only do we have enough food to eat, we each have the ability TO eat. We each have hands that work, minds that work, mouths that work. Bodies. That work.

So much to be thankful for, that its almost impossible to think of something NOT to be thankful for!!!

As I looked over this past year, I looked at my small list.

So many things that I had scribbled down in a fit of despair, had reminded me, in more than one way, that these things, were really blessings.

Merely inconveniences. Nothing more. A change of perspective. A different outlook. A lighter heart.

A grateful humble attitude.

How DARE I be unthankful or ungrateful!

I have so much more than I need, and I have so MUCH to be thankful for.

You Capture: Fun

Christina

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November 17, 2011

I had a long rant written up about how things have not been exactly, fun around here…but looking at these pictures, its hard to say anything. She had a blast in her first snow! We would bring her back in, and she would cry to go back out.

Fun in the snow!

Also I found it funny that last “You Capture:Fun” took place back in the Spring, and there were flowers! Ohhh to go back to then!

Thankful?

Christina

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November 14, 2011

Sunday our pastor preached a brief sermon on being thankful. In all things. And while I listened, I don’t know that I really HEARD what he said until today. Because as I sat there, as hard as I tried to remind myself that I have so many areas to work in, I silently think I thought that I am pretty thankful. Atleast, you know, MOST of the times. And my mind wandered to OTHER people. I thought about people who have been through so much, and yet still manage to give thanks. And some people who have been through NOTHING and have find it impossible to give thanks. Then theres me, who sits on the fence, giving thanks when I feel like, remember to, or when everythings gone to pot. Because I forget to be thankful when times are good, but have no trouble remember the GOOD times when Im asking for them again.

On the way home I prayed silently that I would be thankful. In all areas of my life. And really? Should have known better. I know its not how God works, but it sometimes seems like when I pray for patience, I get patience trying moments. So it really should have been no surprise that when I asked to be thankful, that I got reasons to give thanks, despite the circumstances.

Everything.

You know those days when you wake up, and you are pumped, excited and THRILLED to be awake because something is happening that day that simply cant take your happiness away? That’s today. Only the opposite swing of things. I wished I could close my eyes and throw the day away before I had even opened my eyes.

And unfold the day did. And tonight I really just wanted to fold it all back up. Because whiles things that happened today probably wont effect me the rest of my life, they will effect the rest of the week. And probably the next month or two, and really…there comes a point when all you can do is sit down and cry. And I have, multiple times today. Sat down and cried. Because, seriously? Why not? What else? And Whats left?

But then…

I was reminded by someone on face book, to be thankful…for the small things.

Small things.

Yes. Small things that arent so small.

And while I know this, while I try really, to be thankful for the small things knowing that things could be worse, this is my reality, and right now…my reality is hard for me. Even if its not as bad as someone elses.

So I try. I try to be thankful. I try to smile. To be grateful. To find the good in the not so good. To love, despite hate. To smile, despite the tears. To be thankful…despite the circumstances.

Life isn’t always easy, and today has been FAR from easy, and its not even over. And while the tears still prick my eyes…I am trying. To be thankful. To not just give a half hearted thanks for what I had, can I get it back now please? But a genuine thank you. For THIS. For THESE circumstances. While hard, I know they are for a reason, if not known to me.

Im trying.

To be thankful.

For everything I have, and everything I don’t have.

While I could have done without the snow (and the excited puppy who head butted me in the nose) Yoshi was thankful for the snow.

What does it mean to Trust in Jesus? Part 2

Christina

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November 3, 2011

“Now. Tell your leader what it means to Trust in Jesus as your savior.”

The question, among others, stumps the kids every time.

Questions like “What does it mean to be punished?” and verses that are so short like “Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift” get them stuck. But the question. The turn of a page, the thrill of finally making it to the end and the excitement that there is NOTHING to memorize! The little voices chatter the questions arise “Will you sign me off? Please please please?” The pleads. The wants. The cheering.

And always.

I have to say no. I will not just sign you off, and usually spend the next 25 minutes explaining to a cute little 9 year old what it means. Looking into her brown eyes last night as she looked back at me, I wanted so badly for her to understand what it meant, but much like last year I was failing. And failing hard.

Across the table a helpful friend rolled her eyes. “IT MEANS.” she started, getting attention and all eyes on her “That if you DON’T trust, your body just disintegrates. It just…goes away. It rots in the ground. For…EVER!” she put great emphasis on the big words. Disintegrates. She pronounced it with such care I wondered where she had heard it. Who had told her that. With all eyes still on her, amazed at her use of such big words the little brown eyed girl turned to me. “It means to disintegrated!” she seemed proud.

I quickly curbed the talk of putting “Trusting in Jesus” in the same boat as a rotting corpse. Carefully choosing my words to tell them that putting your trust in Jesus was so much more important – that no matter their choice their bodies WOULD disintegrate, but their soul. Their spirit. Was far more important. And that’s what we were talking about. It sounded like leftover Halloween talk. While I stumbled for the right words I told them that our spirit and soul would not just go away if we didn’t trust. That our spirits would go to one of two places. And I knew none of them wanted to go to hell. And I didn’t want them to either.

She slammed her arms down on the table. “I don’t GET IT!” She wailed.

Much like last year, only this time. I wasn’t going to let the night pass without her understanding it. A book I read a few years ago popped into my mind, and I quickly considered tying them up and not letting them go until they professed Jesus. But knowing I couldn’t do such foolishness, I set to work explaining for the fortieth time, just what it meant.

“Wont you just sign me off?” She moaned. “Do you understand?” I asked her. “Noooooo” she complained. And on we went. Talking about what it meant. Curbing ideas, pushing aside ideas. Rereading verses, explaining things. Over and over and over…

And then.

I remembered something.

“Of COURSE! Why hadn’t I thought of that before?”

I grabbed two bibles on the table. By this time I had two trying to get me to sign them off, and 5 minutes left on the clock. “I want all your attention” I said. It didn’t take much, and I had all eyes on me. Five sets of little eyes. Staring, watching, what was I doing?

I took the Bibles and put them on the table – leaving a large gap between them. “This is you, and you, and you and me, and her…”I said pointing to one Bible. “This.” I said pointing to the other “Is God.” “Now…there is a problem, and it’s a big problem…you see this gap? Its keeping us from God forever. And no matter how HARD we try, we cant cross it, you know why?”

“Because there is LAVA!!” one girl shouted, eager to get the attention to herself.

“There is a lot of stuff keeping us from God. Lets think about what it is.” We listed off a few things. “But the bottom line is” I interjected before things got too out of hand “Is that SIN is creating this gap. And we cant cross it! So you know what? God sent us something. He sent a gift. He sent Jesus, to die for us.” I picked up the piece of paper representing their book and held it across the gap. “When Jesus died, he bridged that gap, and if we Trust this. If we believe he died and rose again, then we will live with Him forever.”

Five heads bobbed up and down. “And then we just….ZOOOMP! Across! Right??”

I turned back to the brown eyed girl. “Does that make sense to you?” She smiled and nodded. Infact they all did, and in their own words, the two girls who had struggled just minutes ago to understand what I was saying, told me what it meant to Trust in Jesus.

And happily, I signed them off, high five’d them, and prayed they really understood what was so important.

Not me Monday

Christina

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October 24, 2011

{Linking up this morning to “Not me Monday” Click link above to read more.}

Thursday evening I did NOT attend a musical at the high school with a friend and attempt to try to enjoy it – even though there isn’t too much I like about musicals. It was NOT me who during said musical, while looking the pamphlet over, recognized a name of a girl who went to Mexico with us. It was definitely NOT me who after the performance was over, tell the girl “You did GREAT! I didn’t even know you were there!” I never say double meaning sentences and come across like a rude jerk! (What I meant to say was I didn’t realize she was singing before I got there!!)