My Dear Hans,
Everyone talks about how special the first-born child is, yet there isn’t a whole lot on how special the second one is. I get it, the newness of a first-born is pretty special. When we left the hospital with your brother, we were terrified. We half joked that the nurses really should be coming with us. But with you? We were ready to get home. Not because we had any idea what we were doing, but because we knew that somehow, we’d be ok. We were ready to jump in and learn. Sure, we were still terrified, but somehow just a little more certain in our terror.
What people fail to mention, is just how special that second born is! Sure, you might not get the newborn baby fawn legged parents your brother got, but you get parents who are a little more sure and a little less wobbly. You might not get the one-on-one time with us, but you get a big bubba who would move mountains for you (just don’t take his sling, or you might just become the mountain he will move!)
We had some special time together, just you and me the other day. For the first time, in well, ever, I believe. You thought it was pretty cool…for about 10 minutes. You wandered around grabbing all the things that brother doesn’t let you have. You squealed when you got his favorite toys. But after about 10 minutes you kind of looked lost, and wandered up to me. We spent some good time snuggling instead. I think you kind of missed you big bubba. Yes that one on one time was special, but there is something truly special about experiencing life with a big bubba, isn’t there?
I could feel bad that you don’t get the life that he did, but then I think about all the things he missed out on by being the oldest and could feel bad about that too, so instead I choose to see it as you both got a unique experience -just like yourselves.
He got one on one time, you got a built-in play mate, 24/7, like it or not who has been oh so excited for you to be his brother since day one. The pride he has when someone asks if you are his brother has never wavered. He loves you. So much.
You are never alone. When we moved you to your room, you didn’t fight it nearly as much as he did and I’m guessing it’s because he was in there and you didn’t have to go in there alone. That’s the beauty of being a second born, you never have to do anything alone! You always have that solid first born to lead you.
I guess what I am trying to say is that while you might have missed out on the special one on one time, 24/7, you gained in the department of having a big brother. You gained parents who actually know just how special this time is and how quickly it goes. Parents that know it is ok to slow down, just for a few minutes, because well, those babies, they don’t keep. The not having a clue what we are doing? Well, there is something you both got -because we are still just as clueless. But we are learning. Just like you.
It still shocks me that you are a whole year old, that you went from being a tiny little blob, to being a wild little boy who shoves toys in his mouth and shuffles off as quickly as possible. Who is fiercely independent, yet still loves a good snuggle. A little boy who had the longest little fingers and the most stoic of faces now has the quickest smile and one of the best giggles you’d ever hear.
You are a special little boy, Hans, and are loved to the ends of the earth! I can’t promise I will get it right, but I can promise that I will always love you. No matter what.
My little Hansie burger, Burger beans, Burgette, Burgs.
Love,
Your Mama
Tangled Thoughts 