My little buddy,
This is certainly not how I had expected to ring in your new year. I had a whole day planned for us; balloons on your bedroom floor, waffles for breakfast, your friends were going to be back for the first time in over a month! We’d make cupcakes and of course have chili, your favorite, for supper. I wanted to take a selfie with you as your last night of being one and another in the morning -your first day of being two!!
But little brother got admitted to the hospital and you are spending the night (and next few days) with TT while I am at the hospital with brother. You are living your best life, getting showered with mouse presents and all the TV a little boy could dream of. You won’t be disappointed, because well, you don’t know to expect anything else. After all, you are only two. You are well cared for, spoiled even, and living the life. It’s mama’s heart that is having the hard time tonight.
I’ve spent much of the past month desperately trying to prevent you from feeling left out or abandon because of little brother. I’ve chosen my words carefully to not assign blank on brother for taking me away from you and done as much as I can to help foster a relationship with you two. So far it doesn’t really seem to have made a difference. You love your brother. You are constantly asking about him or telling me needs something if he cries. Or demanding to hold him. Or sharing with him. You are such a good brother; despite anything I have or haven’t done. Yet here we are. “Missing” out on your second birthday. But in typical you fashion, you don’t mind. You miss us, but aren’t upset or jealous.
It seems to come from who you are, really; a compassionate, empathetic, caring little boy. You cry when others cry, you do your best to cheer them up and make them happy. You really don’t like seeing people sad or upset. Like when you accidentally bonked brother and made him cry, you cried right beside him. Or when your friends get put in timeout and are crying, you sit down beside them and act silly, clapping your hands until they are laughing and completely defeating the point of time out! That isn’t something that has been taught, you just come by it, somehow, naturally.
Oh, that isn’t to say you aren’t an ornery little fella who has a mind of his own and a stubbornness that comes from both your mama and daddy, Lord help us! You have learned the word no and are very generous with it. You push boundaries and the limits and throw tantrum with the best of them. There are many days I am left speechless by what we are fighting over and arguing things I never thought I would argue in my life! “No, I won’t help you put your slinky in your pants and you need to stop getting upset about it!” “No, you can’t have a stick of butter for snack” “No we can’t have cake for snack, we don’t have any!” There are other days I am left frazzled and pulling my hair out and yes, losing my cool with you.
But oh, my boy. My spunky, crazy, handsome little boy. You flash your smile and release your giggle and there is NOTHING better in the world. You throw your arms around my neck and squeeze and all the troubles of the day disappear, you are, quite literally, my dream come true.
You have changed so much this year, going from a not even walking one year old who depended on everyone for everything, to a fiercely independent little boy who tries so hard to do everything yourself. You not only walk; you run, with great speed and the cutest little gait. Sometimes you are running away from what you are supposed to be doing and straight into trouble.
Last year was so special and fun, watching you discover and learn things for the very first time. And this year, I suspect will be even more fun; watching you remember things and learn new things at the same time.
I can’t always promise to keep my cool with you, although I promise to always try. I won’t promise to be perfect at this parenting thing, but I will strive to be. I can’t promise that life will be easy, although I will give you what I can to make it as smooth as possible. One thing I can promise is that I will ALWAYS love you and ALWAYS be there for you. Even in the middle of the night when you’ve woken for what seems to be the millionth time. I will still come when you call. I will still hold your hand and sing “peace” or rock you just one more time. I know there will come a day when you will no longer cry to be rocked, so I try to cherish these middle of the night rocking sessions.
Mama loves you little man, please done ever lose your compassion or spirit and fire, but feel free to dial it down, especially at the end of a long day. Don’t let anyone (even me) dull your shine.
Happy 2nd birthday my grocery shopping buddy, my baby forever, my itty-bitty handsome sauce. We will make the missing birthday up to you one day soon.
Always and forever, to the moon and stars and beyond,
Your mama, forever.
Tangled Thoughts 