I still have to remind myself at times that you are in fact, real, and that you are in fact, mine. At times it still feels like you are just a dream, perhaps because you had been ‘just a dream’ for so long.
This past year has gone by so fast. It is so crazy think of how much you have changed in such a short amount of time. Just a short year ago, we brought all five pounds of you home. Your clothes were too big, and we had to put washcloths under your little butt in your car seat so you could safely be buckled up. Daddy and I were so worried we would break you! When they said you were being discharged from the NICU, we both kind of looked at each other and asked what nurse was coming with us, because they certainly didn’t expect we could take you on our own, did they? You were so small in your little bassinet. Your cries were even tiny little squeaks.
And now…you race around the house as fast as you can with the aid of your little walker, there is no such thing as tiny squeaks anymore; you are as loud as you possibly can be! If you aren’t pushing your walking around the house, you are monkey scooting or crawling to your next area of destruction. You are SO fast. Just the other week in church you were hanging onto the pew during service when you got a wild hair, dropped to the floor and boom! You were gone!
When I think about it, a year is such a short time to learn a new skill -yet you have learned SO MANY new skills this past year. Not only learned, but mastered! To think just a year ago you couldn’t do anything yourself and now? You are Mr. Independent. You are also very opinionated. You might not know how to speak these opinions with words but you get right into it and show us what you want and make it known what you don’t want. You have strong opinions on a lot of things, my love.
You’ve started throwing yourself on the ground if something goes wrong to get my attention. For instance, if your ball rolls under the couch and you can’t get it, you throw yourself on the floor and start to cry. But it’s a special kind of cry, it’s a “I’m frustrated” or “I’ve lost something” kind of cry. When I ask “What’s wrong?” you lay on your tummy and look under the couch as if to say “It there! I can’t get it!”
My favorite thing to do lately is just watch you. Especially when you don’t know that I’m watching. Just watching you figure out how something works, or watching you play and discover things. You learn so quickly and pick things up so fast it really is amazing. You love to play with toy balls and recently have discovered how to drop them down your ball track. You also discovered a short while later, that they come out at the bottom. You also love to shake your booty when the music plays. Or slam two toys together to make noise. Or go behind mommy and pull out everything she has just put away.
You also love being outside. Animals of all kind, but especially your sissy dog and sissy cat. You love when your friends (my day care kiddos) are here to play with you and get so bored when it’s just you and mama! I try to make it fun for you and try to make you and I time super special, but you love your little friends so much.
My little man, the closer you get to turning a year, the more nervous about raising you. Daddy pointed out that perhaps the reason you feel more “real” to me, is because I’ve started to have to teach you “no” and discipline you on some things. It’s made it more real that you are ours and while that is the most wonderful feeling in the entire world, it is also the most terrifying.
I pray so hard that you grow up to be a kind, caring young man. That you use your stubbornness for good and don’t let it get you into too much trouble, and that when it does, you learn from it.
I pray that you love big and seek Jesus with all your heart. I also pray that you don’t grow up to be a little asshole, because let’s be real, that would be quite horrible.
I pray that mama and daddy raise you up the right way. That we show you how you should act and point you to the One who you should follow. I pray that our mistakes help you understand just how fallen we are as people and how much we all need a Savior. I also pray that our mistakes don’t hinder or hurt you.
One day you will understand that this parenting gig is not easy and we try our best, but sometimes it gets the best of us all (especially at 2am). If nothing else, I pray that my mistakes will help you learn how to apologize and take responsibility for your mistakes, but I also hope you learn to get back up and try again. Goodness knows I’ve fallen plenty this past year, but I keep getting back up and trying again because I want you to have a better mama.
My dear sweet little man. I pray that I never take watching you grow for granted and that one day, you understand how much I truly love you; everything about you. From your wispy little hair to your contagious laugh and ornery little streaks. I love your little toes, your dimpled hands and dinner roll thighs. You are simply the best and I can’t wait to see where this year takes us.
I love you so much little man,
Your Mama
Tangled Thoughts 